


The Burning Light

by Orcish



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 09:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8139793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orcish/pseuds/Orcish
Summary: After his defeat at the hands of the scavenger, Kylo Ren struggles to extinguish the Light still burning inside him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is not my ship. I have never read a fic with a focus on this pairing. It's just that I am the kind of idiot who reacts to the self-righteous assholes spamming Tumblr tags with hate posts by creating more of what they hate.
> 
> Ship and let ship and don't let anyone tear you down because of what you love.

He woke up in a bacta tank, disoriented and furious. The scavenger had beaten him and worse than that, refused him. No one refused him!

He fumed as the Stormtroopers pulled him out and the medical droid checked him over. He didn’t have time for this! He needed to go after the scavenger – this time he would win. All his wounds were sealed, with scars left in their place – they would fade with time. The slash on his face was a reminder, a reason to push himself harder. 

When Hux told him that Snoke called him to finish his training, his fury burned bright for a moment. It settled down when he realized that the scavenger had found Skywalker – he could feel it through the Force. She would be stronger when they met again, but so would he – and this time he wouldn’t have a stinging hole in his side shot by the walking carpet. (Uncle Chewie, the Light inside him reminded with little Ben’s voice.) 

_I was supposed to be free of you_ , he thought, his teeth grinding. Nothing replied. 

The training was grievous. His muscles ached, his lungs burned and the Force felt like fire running through him. Still he persisted, throwing himself back into it, focused and driven. He would make the scavenger regret refusing his guidance. (Uncle Luke, chimed the Light, sullen. Even his younger self was disillusioned by the older Jedi. _Rey_ , it chimed again and Ben gritted his teeth. _Don’t leave me_ , it cried with her voice and he remembered his failure. His first failure to kill her.) 

The training was grueling, but he still felt the Light burning inside him. No matter how many he killed, even his f- _Solo_ , it persisted through all that. The caress on his face when Solo died had been like a breeze through the buried embers – they took fire, and he couldn’t extinguish him. 

_I am glad it wasn’t mother_ , he thought, knowing that he would have failed even worse. 

When he saw the scavenger again, she had become a woman. The swell of her breasts was visible from the low-cut shirt and she carried herself differently – still every bit a warrior, but with new confidence in herself and her skills. The new clothing suited her, rounding her hips and emphasizing the narrow waist. She was stunning, he realized, and gritted his teeth. _I never should have saved her_ , the Dark spoke with Snoke’s voice. _She is trouble_. 

They were evenly matched, but Kylo had more training, had the Dark searing him and keeping him agitated and his movements flowing, his steps barely touching the ground as he anticipated her every move. When she stumbled, his new saber pressed so close to her neck she must have felt the heat. He hesitated, the childish cry ringing in his ears again – she was the only one of the padawans who liked him, who genuinely wanted to spend time with him, he didn’t want to erase her memories – and the moment passed when his old Master appeared. 

Kylo pulled back, knowing that he couldn’t face them both alone, and ignored the happy voice chiming in his ears. _You saved her_ , little Ben exclaimed. _You saved her!_

_There was no time_ , he thought. _Skywalker was there. I couldn’t face them both_. 

The lie burned inside him – he could have easily pressed the tip of his saber through her neck and faced Skywalker after his last apprentice was dead. He didn’t because he didn’t want to see the scavenger dead. Didn’t want to see Rey dead. 

_How far I have fallen_ , he thought, and then scoffed. _I am exactly where I was when I left – still unable to kill her. This will be my downfall_. 

He didn’t expect her to be what would save him when Snoke turned against him, infuriated by his failures. The smaller hand in his pulled him away as Luke faced his old Master – and how ironic was that – and he asked _why_. 

_Because you spared me. Because Luke told me it wasn’t the first time_ , she spoke into his head. _I don’t remember_ , she glared at him. _You did something to me_. 

Ben nodded. _I erased your memories. It was the first time – I don’t know how well I succeeded_. 

Later, after Snoke was dead and Luke declared alive and likely to recover, she spoke to him with words. 

“I still hate you. For what you did to Han, to Finn, to Poe, to me, to your mother. She still loves you, after all this.” 

_Could you love me?_ He wanted to ask. 

She heard him anyway. _No!_ She exclaimed. _Maybe_ , she admitted. _No. I don’t know_. 

_I understand_ , he replied, a hint of a smile on his lips. _Can you show me to my mother?_

When Leia pulled him into an embrace and whispered _Ben_ , Kylo felt the small flames flickering around the embers blaze high and _roar_ , pushing the Dark away. 

_Not away_ , she warned him, and Ben nodded. 

_I know. Mother_. He buried his face in her shoulder and cried. 


End file.
